We may be blood related but what I've discovered over the years is that doesn't really matter. I have friends who treat me better than my own family. I also learned that in the name of 'Love' family may molest you, beat you, degrade you then turn around and say they love you.
My fathers side of the family never once came to visit me or my brother all the years we were growing up in Ridgecrest. The only time we seen them was when our mother would take us up to the Vacaville area to see them. I loved them all so much and would cry because I wanted to be near them. Grandma and Grandpa always sent cards.
I was locked up for over a year as a teenager and not one of them came to see me or wrote me. Which was ok but a word of encouragement to do the right things would have been nice. When I was released I moved to my other Grandmas house near Vacaville for a year. I seen dads side of the family a lot more. I especially hung out with my Aunt Maureen. We became very close and are to this day. I enjoyed being around all of them.
A year later my the grand parents I was living with were moving to Oregon. My other grandmother (my dads mother) said I could move in with her. Her and I made a deal regarding rent. This was an arrangement mutually agreed upon. I had my own income but not enough to live on my own. One day my Aunt K comes at me all crazy that I was using her mother and that I needed to go. My feelings were very hurt because of the way she spoke to me. She didn't talk to me like another human being. She ask me anything just attacked.
I packed and left. Went to Oregon. I was there for less than 2 weeks. The high school wouldn't take me because I was 4 months shy of being 19 and needed too many credits. Said I couldn't get the credits in time for graduation. I left back to Ridgecrest.
A year and a half later my son was 5 months old when my father had come for a visit. He got in a little trouble and went to jail. My fathers sisters all drove down to Ridgecrest to pick him up. Wow! I was so excited that 3 of my Aunties were there and they could meet my son and his father. They came to my house. They weren't out my house but maybe an hour. During that time my Aunt K sees a family photo on the wall with my husband, son and myself. She said "I don't like this picture. You look too seductive." I couldn't believe it! I was blown away. I didn't say anything. I felt crushed. They left. As I looked at the picture I became angry. The people who really knew me thought it was a great picture. After having my son I didn't even feel pretty let alone seductive.
There were many incidents in my life where family members have done messed up things. Steal from me, say stupid things, yell at me for no reason and I have always forgiven them. All because I wanted to be loved. All because I believed blood was thicker than water. All because I believed in forgiveness. All because I believed it must be me and I need to change. I did something wrong. Something must be wrong with me. By doing this I had sacrificed my happiness. Because if I did anything less I would be selfish and risk losing the love I so desired. Funny that I haven't felt loved by very many family members yet I continued. Hoping that if I changed enough they would love me.
This year has been eye opening. I have had to take a look at myself and what I want in my life. Certainly not people who don't some how enrich my life. I like to have fun. I like to be silly. I don't want to be attacked by those who say they love me when I haven't done anything wrong. I love the song by Tina Turner "What's Love Got to Do With It". Precisely! I may love you and I may care about you but not necessarily like you. I may merely tolerate you. And now at this point in my life I have to say I am no longer going to tolerate bullshit. If you love me, then treat me like a human being. If want to be a part of my life, treat me like a human being. If you want me to be nice then be nice.
I have friends who accept me for me because they like me as a person. They may not always like what I say or how I act but they let me know in a respectful manner. Never yelling, never aggressive. My kids' step mother treats me better than some of my own family.
So, the days of 'blood is thicker than water' are over for this chick. You will be treated with the same level of respect as you give me.
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